Buyers market

An Interesting Story

Never underestimate your Clients’ Complaint, no matter how funny it might
seem!

This is a real story that happened between the customer of General Motors
and its Customer-Care Executive. Pls read on…..

A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:

This is the second time I have written to you, and I don’t blame you for
not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a
tradition in our family of Ice-Cream for dessert after dinner each night,
but the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we’ve eaten, the
whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive
down to the store to get it. It’s also a fact that I recently purchased a
new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a
problem…..

You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice-cream, when I start back from the
store my car won’t start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car
starts just fine. I want you to know I’m serious about this question, no
matter how silly it sounds “What is there about a Pontiac that makes it
not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get
any other kind?” The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about
the letter, but sent an Engineer to check it out anyway.

The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well
educated man in a fine neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just
after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice
cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after
they came back to the car, it wouldn’t start.

The Engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, they got
chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car
started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start.

Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man’s
car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue
his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this
end he began to take notes: He jotted down all sorts of data: time of day,
type of gas uses, time to drive back and forth etc.

In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than
any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla,
being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the
store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the
store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check
out the flavor.

Now, the question for the Engineer was why the car wouldn’t start when it
took less time. Eureka – Time was now the problem – not the vanilla ice
cream!!!! The engineer quickly came up with the answer: “vapor lock”.

It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other
flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the
man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapor lock to
dissipate.

Even crazy looking problems are sometimes real and all problems seem to be
simple only when we find the solution, with cool thinking.

Don’t just say it is ” IMPOSSIBLE” without putting a sincere effort….

Looking closer you will see, “I’M POSSIBLE”…

Solve this over your lunch! If you have finished lunch, keep it for
evening tea! Very simple one!

Green numbers indicate how many pieces could move to that square on the
next move. Blue squares show the possible locations of the following five
different chess pieces:

How are the five pieces arranged?

____________________________________________

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct.. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong.
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’
____________________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cooker .
____________________________________________

TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.

____________________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

Before marriage…..

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don’t even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage….
Simply read from bottom to the top

he!!!!!!!he!!!!!!!!!!!!he!!!!!!!

The elections are finally over. Amidst the false promises and shoals of
money distributed by the political-bandits, in the world’s largest
democracy, honesty took a back seat covering her face and weeping
silently. But who cares – the victors have the authority to rule, loot and
plunder for the next 5 years.

The ministry formation exercise saw the extreme thirst of the various
political parties to serve the public. Some felt that unless they are
given “railways” they can not serve the country. Some one else felt that
they needed telecom or road transport or shipping portfolios to serve the
people better. We dumb individuals can not see what they see – perhaps in
our limited wisdom we foolishly think that some of the main problems India
is facing today are related to education, poverty and healthcare. My
servant maid, Rami’s husband is a drunkard. He needs 70 Rs per day for his
drink and once a week he needs to visit the doctor – costing her 80 Rs for
auto-rickshaw, 100 Rs for the doctor and another 100 Rs for the medicines.
He refuses to go to work – he is too weak to work – but strong enough to
beat his wife when she refuses to give him money to drink. Their children
study in a government school – where the classrooms double as toilets –
yes, there are no toilets in the school – and the classrooms will not even
pass muster as the toilets in our homes. Even though her daughter is
studying in 8th standard, she does not know to converse in English, can
not write her name in Tamil without error and does not know what a
computer is. But these are not problems for our political parties who want
railways or telecom or road transport portfolios. They want to serve
India.

The same people served India during the last five years. What difference
did it make to Rami’s life? A year ago, the drink was 60 Rs, auto-rickshaw
cost was Rs 70, doctor charged 90 Rs and medicines were 95 Rs. But did she
sense anything wrong in the system? No. She curses her fate and argues,
“What can they do? They were kind enough to give us Rs 200 for each vote
this time”.

So, India is the knowledge capitol of the world, our software exports have
exceeded 70 billion, and per capita income has increased by 14% and
inflation has dipped to 0.2%. The finance minister in his sonorous voice
will announce these in the Parliament to the thumping of desks of his
party colleagues and Rami will also see the news on TV till she gets
disrupted by the sound of her husband vomiting in the house.

Long live India.

he following is the conversation between Lallo Prasad Yadav and Bill Gates.
Gates : Hi! you must have heard of Windows.
Lallo : Oh yes! In most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.
Gates : At home have u installed Windows?
Lallo : I have removed all windows due to increased burglaries in our house.
Gates (Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Lallo : OPERATION ? Yes I had a Hernia operation last month.
Gates (Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Lallo : Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net.
Gates : By the year 2000 India should export computer chips.
Lallo : We are already exporting Uncle Chips.
Gates (Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Lallo : My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.
Gates (Heavily Sweating): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Lallo : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P..
Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.
Lallo : I have exhuasted all my leave.
Gates : I have no energy left let us go out and have a bite.
Lallo : BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.
Gates : (System Crashes and Found Missing). “Windows is restarting.Please wait………….”

Are you an expecting mom? I know how exciting it is to know that your baby is in your tummy. If your delivery date is so close by, the excitement doubles. You can visit birth announcements website to let your family and friends know that there is a new addition to your family. You can let the world know about your bundle of joy. So what are you waiting for? Just visit the website now.

U.S. Version:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter ,the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

INDIAN Version:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant’s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant’s house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for “Bharat Bandh” in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.

BJP wants Sonia Gandhi’s apology.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the ‘Grasshopper Rath’.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ‘Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act’ [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.

Arjun Singh makes ‘Special Reservation’ for Grasshoppers I n Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it’s home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by AAJ TAK.

Arundhati Roy calls it ‘A Triumph of Justice’.

Lalu calls it ‘Socialistic Justice’.

CPM calls it the ‘Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden’.

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

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Many years later…

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley ..

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India …

As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country!!!

Today my cousin is taking up written test in my Company. He has prepared well and I sat with him for quite sometime to learn Java along with him and teach him whatever I know. I know that he is really worked up as he has been trying interviews for quite sometime now. I am just hoping and praying that he will clear the written test, tech rounds and HR round and get into the Company that I work for. Good luck Vj!

I am finally back home and enjoying the break that I have taken from work. I have taken 3 days off from work and it feels so good. I am joining back work on Monday. I am still in jet lag and struggling to get over it. I need a make over in the beauty salon. I am looking for a cool haircut this time and I hope to get one.